EEeeeeeewwwwwwwww

Last January I had an opportunity to travel to Singapore for work. It was something that just kind of dropped in my lap and loving international travel and new experiences I jumped at the chance.

On the way there my route was something like Grand Rapids to Minneapolis, MN, then to Japan and on to Singapore. The Minneapolis to Japan flight was really really really long. I can't remember how long but it seemed interminable. I prefer to sit in an aisle seat but since the trip was booked kind of last minute I had to settle for a window seat. So I was stuck on the inside. After our flight had been in the air for a long time and I had been dozing off, I realized that I had to go to the bathroom but not wanting to inconvenience and awaken the other 2 passengers to get out of my seat (I'm sometimes too nice to a fault) I thought I could just hold it a little longer.

I dozed off and on and every time I woke up of course the urge to go to the bathroom was becoming increasingly uncomfortable. Finally, coming out of a deep sleep, I realized I couldn't wait any longer and so excused myself and squeezed out of my seat into the aisle.

I made a beeline for the bathroom, stumbling down the aisle, bleery eyed and trying to blink some moisture back into my dried out contacts lenses. The bathroom was vacant so I swung in and in one fell swoop locked the door, unzipped by britches and plopped onto the toilet. I had almost wet my pants. After peeing and peeing and peeing and peeing I finally felt relief. I wiped myself, stood up and turned slightly to flush the toilet.

Horror of all horrors. To my disbelief, the previous dumb f* (must have been male) user of the toilet had not put the seat down and I had just sat for two minutes on a rim of piss; everybody elses piss, piss and pubie drippings from how many other hundreds of passengers??!!!! Gross me out the door. I totally freaked. When I came to this realization I hadn't pulled up my pants yet so I instantly and instinctively grabbed a wad of paper towels, doused them with hot water, squirted some soap on them and started scrubbing my big piss laden butt cheeks. Scrubbing and scrubbing and scrubbing and more paper towels and more hot water and more soap and more scrubbing and two minutes later and who cares who is waiting in line to use the toilet . . I'm having a crisis in there and I'm not leaving until the scrubbing is done. After I was finished scrubbing my butt I washed and washed and rinsed and washed and rewashed my hands. Total grodiness.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. I just can't get over the fact that I sat in all of that yuckiness and the piss drippings of all of those other passengers. But I did. And I survived. And as far as I know I didn't catch any communicable diseases!!!!!

But I got over that little incident quickly, by about the time I stepped out of the lavatory and was on my way back to my seat.

BTW, I had a great time in Singapore. It's a way cool place!

Trains, Planes & Automobiles

O.K., well really this post has nothing to do with trains but the story does involve a plane, an automobile, a well meaning stewardess, two hyper kids, a frazzled mom, 4 gas stations and at least six restrooms.

Now you are really curious aren't you? Here's what happened. K & K were probably around 12 and 10 years old, old enough to be let on an airplane unaccompanied by an adult. After the divorce their dad moved to Florida so when they got old enough once in a while we would arrange a trip where they could take a direct flight, in this case one from Detroit to Tampa and back so they could visit their dad.

On this particular occasion, they had spent a week in Florida. I can't remember the exact circumstances leading to this event (it may have involved malfunctioning alarm clocks or such) but for some reason, they missed their scheduled flight from Tampa back to Detroit.

Their dad had to get to work and so after speaking with the airlines customer service rep he was able to put them on stand-by for the next flight out. I usually try to stay neutral on these subjects but in this case I have to say, I question the judgement to leave a 12 and 10 year in an airport on stand-by. That said, I'll get back to the story. I think that my ex called me to inform me of what was going on since I guess I needed to know that I didn't need to be in Detroit at the original estimated time of arrival.

This was in the day before cell phones. Well, I'm sure they existed but hardly anyone had them in that era. Needless to say, my kids didn't have one so I was scrambling to find a way to communicate with them to make sure they were O.K. and to try and find out if/when and what flight they would be on.

I thought to call my parents who live about an hour away from the Tampa airport. I miraculously happened to catch my dad who even more miraculously coincidentally was on his way to the airport because he had to pick up my mom from some trip she had been on. Anyway somehow or another I was able to link my dad up with K & K and I felt some relief that an adult would be with them while they were waiting. I mean, what were they supposed to do if there had been no room on that stand-by flight??

But luck was on their side and they made the flight. I rescheduled my trip to meet their arrival at the Detroit airport. We lived in Grand Rapids so to get to the Detroit airport is about a 2.5 hour drive in good weather.

I was very relieved when the plane landed on time and K & K appeared rushing out into the concourse. They spotted me and ran towards me at top speed. "Wow," I thought. "They must be really happy/excited to see me." But they ran right past me waving and shouting "Hi, mom" as they made a bee line to the nearest restrooms. After what seemed like eternity they each emerged from the respective restroom.

While we were waiting for their luggage they once again took off for a restroom pit stop. No sooner than we were on the highway heading home when they began to complain that they needed to go to the bathroom again.

About that time I also realized that they were bouncing off the car walls, they were super hyper, talking loud, picking at each other and behaving as obnoxious as ever in the general sense of the word.

Then the story spilled out. Because of being on stand-by they had gotten to sit in first class on the 2.5 hr flight. The well intentioned stewardess brought them snacks and then whatever they wanted to drink the entire flight. It sounded like they just had her keep bringing them refill after refill of coke the entire flight!!

Needless to say, the 2.5 hour drive back to Grand Rapids turned into about a 3 hours trip as I had to stop at a gas station about every half hour so that they could use the restroom. And each time we stopped I made them run around the gas station building 3 or 4 times to try to get them to expend all of that pent up chemically induced energy!!

But it didn't work. This story basically ends where it began with a still very frazzled mother and two still very hyper children!